4 Rules for Better Career Decisions
Over the years, I've gotten better at navigating big career decisions, and it’s not just because I’ve coached clients through hundreds and hundreds of them. I have gotten better because I’ve uncovered four simple rules that help people escape dichotomous (or black and white) thinking traps when the stakes feel exceptionally high.
If you are facing a complex career decision, here are my four simple rules for getting more of what you want.
Walk the Problem
Focus on the Facts
Ask Direct Questions
Create a Third Way
1. Walk the Problem
Whenever someone starts talking to me about a risky career decision, I pay attention to their pace. Is it hurried? Is it sluggish? Are they feeling pushed by the problem? Or are they doing the pushing?
While the pressure to make a decision may feel real, hurrying to a resolution rarely leads to the most strategic and satisfying decisions.
By committing to walk the problem, you can slow down and see what’s really happening:
Where’s the pressure really coming from?
Is it truly necessary?
What pace would allow me to make the best possible decision?
What could I learn from walking the problem more patiently?
2. Focus on the Facts
Whenever someone starts rattling off their fear-based questions, I listen carefully to the words they use, and specifically any dichotomous word pairings like if/then, either/or, better/worse, pros/cons, success/failure, win/lose, always/never, us/them.
Words like these are dead giveaways that you are approaching a decision from a dichotomous thinking trap and making up a story (which tends to keep your perspective very narrow!).
The way out of this thinking trap is to expand the amount of information you are working with, such as:
Which assumptions am I treating as facts?
What do I need to learn more about?
How will success be defined 1, 2, and 5 years from now?
3. Ask Direct Questions
Whenever someone reverts to their mental ping-pong game they’ve been playing, I try to help them break it down into simpler parts and define the rules of the game they want to play.
So, if you’ve ever woken up wondering whether you should confront what’s broken in your organization, or accept that you’ve done as much as you can…try asking more direct questions like (and see just how honest you can get with yourself):
What am I no longer willing to tolerate?
What do I want next?
How much do I actually need?
4. Create a Third Way
Whenever someone tries to convince me that there are only two viable paths, I help them create a third way forward. This isn’t about pulling a new option out of thin air, it’s about combining specific elements from each path and reorganizing them into a third, more strategic and satisfying, formation.
This is the last rule because it is predicated on a willingness to slow down, gather more information, and hold certain variables constant, but it also requires some creative collaboration to strengthen social bonds and outline what you want and need, so you can stand firmly and ask for it.
